Rain ...

 rain,
 drip drop from infinity
 spreading serenity
 and unfortunately for some
 it too, spreads anxiety


whats in the rain,
a symbol of tears
a symbol of blessings
a symbol of source

Rain is liquid precipitation, as opposed to non-liquid kinds of precipitation such as snow, hail and sleet (wikipedia)


what to do when its raining?
DOA~ اللَّهُمَّ صَيِّباً نَافِعاً Ya Allah,jadikan ia hujan yg memberi manfaat. 


o Allah, make this rain bring greater good.

NOtA UTK SAHABAT

oh. sentap tatkala ak tjatuh.

jatuh kah.atau sekadar tersungkur?

ada hati akn ku jaga,

ada kawan akn ku simpan.

tak keruan melihat kau.

xkeruan memikirkan salah.

ingin menyatakan justifikasi perbuatan salahku

namun tidak terjumpa kata2

adapun, harapan keatas diri utk mencari ketenangan dalam kekabutan ini

tidak ditemui. 

benar. ini aku membuktikan ak tak ulang silap.

salah cara ni.

benar.ini aku yg kuat daya ingin mengtahui

salah cara ni.

benar.ak bukan mentaqlid.

oh.salah menipu.

adapun keputusan dibuat dlm kekalutan.

tanpa kamu disisi utk menghentikan.

jgn dibeban atas kamu.

beban aku tanggung. bertambah melihat kau sayu.

muka tembok ini mohon kau doakan agar x hanyut.

jgn risau, usaha di pihakku ada,

bukan kau seorang berjuang,

kata nafsu disimpan

tidak membuai

hanya mahu mencari yg baik di dlm dia

jgn risau

percaya aku x hanyut spt sebelum

percaya aku x lalai spt sebelum

KNOCK SOME SENSE IN ME.

always.

sedang aku tahu ap yg benar salah, sedang diri ini lama berkurun mumaiyiz

tapi jiwa memberontak ingin tahu mungkin melonjak

ak x kata ak suka,

ak x kata ak mahu, 

namun ak tak menolak,

silap besar itu.

ak tak kata ak cinta,

namun senyap itu tanda setuju,

silap lagi itu.

adapun ap yg terlepas sudah lepas.

yg mahu dibuktikan ada di masa hadapan. 

jika saat terlampau kata atau tindakan tiba

pasti akhir segalanya di titik situ

mharap akhirnya indah,

mharap akhirnya ada kamu disisi.

itu sahaja.

thank you.

khalilah atiqah.wallahi, tidak pernah temu sahabat sebaik kamu, seindah kamu.

roaming n thinking in my head  of wat happened.

n come across my notes made of poems  i made during the heart-war.haha.

so i took an effort to copy n paste it here.

oh.

of all the hoping,

misery,

hoping,

those heart breaking moments,

i have come across.

now i am still searching for me. 

ME.

and having friends besides me.

i trust.

i need.

i want.

the right path im searching. 

i am still searching.

sometimes i made the wrong turn.

but there are signboards to help me show the way.

and theres a hand that guides me all the way.

thank you to you.

nevertheless.

this and that happened for some reasons.

look at the bright side.

alhamdulillah, masih ada sayang.

masih ada nyawa.

masih ada hidup.

masih ada iman.

jaga. jaga, jaga.

hati, iman, maruah.

still, roads diverse in countless ways,

choices made are made with blurred vision,

of lust, 

OH! hope wat hapend wont happened again.

Ahha . Monday, 10 January 2011 at 13:11

Dgn ini, penipuan besar ini diperlisankan, maka, adalah diharapkan kesannya tidak sebesar. benci memuncak di hati ini, istighfar dilafaz, dgn harapan rasa benci ditangkis. adalah impian syaitan melihat manusia berbalah sesama mereka. astaghfirullah al azim.. adakah ak telah memderi kemenangan di pihak syaitan durjana?. na'uzubillah. adapun senyum diukir meniup semangat di dalam diri. adapun, senyuman kalian menjadi cahaya matahari di hari2 suram. adapun, inilah manifestasi diri, yang timbul tenggelam dalam kecelaruan hati, bisikan syaitan, bisikan hati, yg mana diikut menjadi panduan hidup. doa di lafaz, dari hati yg keruh, harapan menggunung agar diri lemah di beri kekuatan dr Ilahi, diberi bimbingan dlm hidup yg sementara, utk mencari kebahagian sekali bekalan di akhirat.

The Blame Monster . Sunday, 09 January 2011

clueless in the depth of lies.

i lied, i know.

cant take it, im breathless.

cant walk away, im stuck.

cant cry, im emotionless.

cant say im sorry, coz its not my fault.

am i to blame when u wont hear i say no?

am i to blame when i wish for peace?

am i to blame when u let me go at the first place;

have u seen how broken i was?

have u seen the tears i cried?

have u seen our worried faces;

when we saw ur climbing higher to ur ego mountain,

at the same time we saw u falling deeper to the ravine of conceit,

and how disappointed we were

as we speak but u never listen,

as we listen but u never say,

as we try but u ran,

and we were the one whose in the bench.

and now i justify my lies, 

to be at the right place,

until the time come when i ll leave u the truth,

until the time come when i ll wake u up from your dreams,

until the time come when i ll walk away,

i hope u ll accept such wrongdoings

for such rightful reasons.

May Allah give u the strength to learn the truth as Allah gave me strength to face u.

Apa Ini? . Wednesday, 22 December 2010 at 12:44

adapun apa yg tlah blaku mbawaku ke jurang penyesalan

sesal tak sudah dgn tindakan sendiri

sesal tak sudah dgn kputusan melulu

sesal tak sudah dgn kamu

adapun apa yg tlah blaku mbuat hatiku keras diselaputi ketakutan

takut akan kekecewaan

takut akan kedosaan

takut akan kamu

adapun apa yg tlah blaku mbangunkanku dari mimpi

mimpi yg tiada asas

mimpi itu mainan syaitan

mimpi ttg kamu

namun apa ini

aku dan kamu?

adapun apa yg tlah blaku mbuatku menipu

akan perasaan dahulu dan kini

akan impian ku dulu dan kini

akan ketiadaan kamu di dalam satu pun

adapun apa yg tlah blaku mgkin berulang

namun akan aku pastikan akhirannya tidak sama

insyaAllah.

O Allah, dont let me astray like i did before,

dont let me blinded n deaf with lust,

keep me, hold me in your grace,

guide me n my friends to the right path

rain is it? . Sunday, 05 December 2010 at 00:13

three words.

once read.

thousands thoughts

the words are so simple

but the consequent of them

struck me so ruthlessly

the blood runs in my veins flowing so fast

my heartbeat beats so chaotic and so vicious

i can hardly catch a breath

i can hardly think

and the rain falls, under the shining ray of light,

creeping in my room,

and im holding something in

pain,confusion,desire,memories,stance,

which i,myself unknown which it is or are,

but none are easy feelings,

im falling i can feel.

im terrified of being so,

i took a grip of myself,

thou im unknown of what should i answer

all i know, 

those words aren't the utterance im anxious of.

5thdec. edit 8th

Cukup Sudah . Friday, 03 December 2010 at 05:15

x cukup ke sy kejar awk dulu. x cukup ke sy endahkan maruah diri nk dptkan awk.

bile awk dah single, x boleh ke awk ckp kat sy. ble awk kapel balik dulu nk je ckp ngan sy.

sukekan patahkan aty sy.nmpak awk xde la nk kat sy sgt pon.masih mencari agaknya..

kdg2 mcm org gila hntar msg kat nombo yg mcm x knal kt kite.

slalu mcm org x malu thegeh kat awk.

knapa sy nk rasa bsalah skrg, bile sy ckp sy dah giv up.

knapa sy nk rse bsalah, bile sy pilih seat jauh dr awk.

knape sy nk mnyesal  dgn kputusan sy ni. sy sdg mngutip cebisan2 maruah yg msih ade.

sementara masih ada.

awk marah kenape. sbb kputusan sy buat ni. sy sgt pcaya kptsan ni yg terbaik utk sy.

utk awak juga, ye, tbaik utk wat awk sedar, kdg2 x apa luang 2-3 minit utk type msg.

tanda igtn.tnda phargaan.tnda risau ble org tu sakit smpai nk mati.

utk wat awk sedar, haty org ble syg, mmg susah nk ilang. tp klu manis cinta hilang,hati jadi tawar.

dlm dunia ni, byk bnda kne amik tahu.selain awk.selain diri sndri.

cukup sudah cuba nk kejar awk.

cukup sudah cuba nk phm awk.

cukup sudah jaga prasaan awk.

kalu pun kputusan ni mnyakitkan sy juga, sekurangnya, x ada lagi harapan yg terkapai2.

kalau awk rase kputusan ni slah.awk ckplah.tp syg awk dah tukar jd bnci.

xpe, sy kuat. sy mkin kuat. utk hadapi org mcm awk. terima kasih.

p/s, buat ni lpas puas bchatting dgn mesra  dgn arshad at 4 a.m. cube wat bm pla.heh.

REturning . Thursday, 02 December 2010 at 09:48

apparently life's greatest value is love.

what i found, was love? or merely just lust?

for what was done, that cant be undone,

i found myself drowned in love,

that was lost,

i loose my sanity and let it burn my dignity,

rip my innocence and kill me slowly.

and now i say gratitude to thee,

the one who gives me the taste of content,

and the feel of passion,guilt and grieve,

for without them i might not learn,

for what i've learnt, i dare not forget.

and i must myself say gratitude to thee, one who reminded me,

the way i was; the one i left behind,

the names and duty i hold with no conscience,

those that i betrayed,and only now i see,

for with love im blinded, with lust im filled with ignorance,

with both im a  fool for myself,

and now,

in the valley of contempt im in,

i thank God, for the light u give,

for the never ending blessings u give,

for the promise u gave never once broken,

for i, thy vile, sordid servant countlessly failed you,

again i beseech forgiveness and guidance,

i beg mercy, please dont leave me in the darkness i went to,

never once, i want to be there ever again,

for you, Almighty, hold the power to all means, 

i plead to hold me, embrace me within your grace.

i wonder . 22 November 2010 at 18:39

i looked away.i walked away.

hiding my tears from you.

hiding all this hurt and pain from you.

i wonder do you feel the same.

i believe this is harder for you.

but now u let me go.

is it easier now?

i wonder.

im feeling all clueless.

im feeling all wrecked.

but i wonder why is hope still there.

thou its just a flickering light.

i would see it as a flame.

and i can feel its still undead.

i wonder whats hurting me all this time

is it the broken glass i step on each time i come close to u

i wonder.

my heart is still unsettled.

i wonder how ur doing.

i keep on wondering.

coz i cant find out for sure.

i ought to be stronger

to handle this unbroken heart.

i wonder..how am i to when ur not around.

Home . Saturday, 20 November 2010 at 12:38

in a road so dim

you become the sunlight through the way

in the weather so harsh

you become the coat to keep me warm

you become the trees to keep me shade

you become the shelter to keep me safe

in the road so far

you become an inspiration to keep me going

the steps i take is never ending

but bearing you in mind

makes my feet move n keep on going forward

in the road so challenging

you're here

and keep me company

but the road diverse in such a way

that makes me loose sight of you

but in mind,

in this little heart of mine

you're always there

and keep me going

when i need you,theres always a way back home

it seems . Saturday, 20 November 2010 at 11:11

it seems

u love her,

loved her,

u always had loved her,

for me,the one in front of you,

finding love in you,

desperately loving you,

i can still see her shadows behind you,

but for a woman in love,

always deny the reality,

always living the dream.

with grieving heart,

i must say,

thank you,

for being honest to me,

for waking me up from this dream,

for the love u gave,

and wats left behind in your heart,

may we find a way to be happy.

coz it seems that we did love each other,

and for that,

i will be honest,

and for that,

i will not give up:)

A Man, Love and Hope . Saturday, 20 November 2010 at 11:08

a love, a hope

of a love

that comes unexpectedly

that drives me crazy

that made me stand for arrows

that made me cry and in a minute made me laugh in another

that made me filled and burst with joy.with love itself

but made me frustrated.with love itself

that made me forget.in the presence of love itself

oh, how my heart unsettled in the absence of thee

but peace with the thought of memoirs

undeniable, love is untamed and unwritten

only for the strong. and crazy

it is a journey they crave for

for a hope

a future.together

a love.endless love

an unbroken trust.

the undone promises to be fulfilled

love, whose up for it?:)

Sunshine:) Thursday, 11 November 2010 at 13:03

sunshine through my window,

having you beside me,

its warm, even in this cold,old world,

ur my sunshine, 

my never ending sunshine,

lingering around,

always there.always here.

might there be times i dont say what i should say

might there be times i dont come to you

might there be times i even ignored you

those are times i regret myself

but believe me when i say 

my life would be grey without ur presence

my heart would be shivering without ur warmth

coz ur my sunshine, and to many others you are too.

Spell and Speak . Wednesday, 10 November 2010 at 08:0

im the one for u.

come to me,come to me,

like the waves heading surely to the shores,

like the rain, drops surely to the earth,

like secrets, told surely at the end,

 i promise my love wont be like the bubbles of the sea,

that floats and fades as it like.

now, i cast a spell on myself,

to claim love that runs as the rivers that run,

run, run, run,

without the sound of steps,

fishes in rivers,now in my hand,

swim yourself,

as love is flowing,flowing around,

in my heart, in my heart,

as long as it beats, to the rhythm of the running river.

the only thing,i may say, may break this spell,

is you.

trust,

i give to you, my trust. 

i trust you, i wait for you

i trust you with all my heart,

i trust you, even it kills me,

some might say, what they think,

the sound of them talking so loud,

but i keep my trust,

it burns my heart, im living hell,

but the trust that i easily give, for the sake of love,

is very hard to break,

because im waiting for you, 

stubborn, u say i am,

i truly am.

especially when it comes to keeping this love alive.

believe me.

thoughts . Friday, 05 November 2010

 may i say, i trust u. please dont break this trust.

01 November at 21:07 

 ‎"It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart.

01 November at 21:27

 its hard to trust sum1,n easy to take the trust back. but when it comes to love, its easier to trust sum1, but harder to take back the trust.its self-manipulating. is it self-destroying?

02 november at 09:09

 i miss u.when the person replies back, i miss u too. the overwhelming feelings just burst out of nowhere.

02 november at 17:51

 i have eyes, i can see. but the truth still remain hidden.and yet to come out.soon.

03 november at 15:31

for a moment, i was happy,to have u beside me.that made me smile with full blossom.without u utter a single word.the next moment, i was crying inside, i felt like screaming, when i realize, i never got u.then.nothing u say can make me smile.

03 november at 18:28

kill!kill!its killing me. but i'm still in love with you.

03 november at 22:11 

yes,i saw.yes, i listened. but i blind my self to keep ur smile. but i deaf myself to hear u talk.

03 november at 22:58

now that i know, u'r fixing things up.try hard finding the broken pieces.coz the pieces are mixed with blood of mine.

04 november 09:32